


Une Soiree

by Ryu_No_Joou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Barbecue, Comedy, Engagement, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:17:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_No_Joou/pseuds/Ryu_No_Joou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius and Remus are horrified when the Lupins insist on holding an ‘engagement party’ for them. Why? Because the Lupins want to meet the Blacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Horrifying Proposal

**Author's Note:**

> Formerly posted on FanFiction.Net, but revised and slightly changed. Written before Pottermore existed, so I didn’t know Remus was an only child. The siblings I made up for him remain, though I have changed his parents’ names to coincide with Pottermore. Sirius’ parents’ names have also been changed to their proper ones. I am also convinced Remus has French ancestry.

**Title:** Une Soiree  
 **Author:** Ryu-No-Joou  
 **Archive:** Fanfiction.Net, Archive of Our Own  
 **Summary:** Sirius and Remus are horrified when the Lupins insist on holding an ‘engagement party’ for them. Why? Because the Lupins want to meet the Blacks.   
**Spoilers:** None  
 **Rating:** PG-13  
 **Disclaimer:** Characters stolen from J.K. Rowling. Nothing’s mine.  
 **Feedback:** The pups thrive on it. Send some love!  
 **Originally Written:** 6/30/2007

-Une Soirée-

\---

Chapter 1 - A Horrifying Proposal

-

Hope Lupin bustled into her youngest son’s room early one morning, humming cheerfully and marching over to the windows. She yanked the curtains open, letting sunlight flood into the room. The large lump in the bed moaned unhappily and rolled over.

“Time to get up, lamb! Seven o’clock!” Mrs. Lupin yanked the covers off her son, who moaned again and pulled his pillow over his head.

“Porridge for breakfast!” his mother sang, pulling it from his grasp.

Remus Lupin sat up, brushing his tousled hair out of his eyes. “Mum,” he said in exasperation, “Every time you say something, it just makes me more reluctant to get out of bed!”

She smiled at him. “Don’t be silly, dear. Get dressed. Breakfast will be ready soon, and your father and I want to talk to you.”

Remus gulped as his mother left the room, shutting the door behind her. What did his parents have to talk to him about this early in the morning? He wracked his brains. He was two days into the summer holiday following his graduation from Hogwarts, so it couldn’t be school-related. He had already broken the news that his boyfriend had asked him to move into his flat, and neither parent had objected. He ran a hand under his mattress. The letter from Sirius, filled with dirty talk, naughty and suggestive comments, and the usual pleas for Remus to sleep over was still there; so it couldn’t be that either. Remus sighed and got out of bed. 

Twenty minutes later, Remus was dressed, washed, and brushed. He headed downstairs to the kitchen and took his seat. His two elder brothers, Guillaume and Henri, and his younger sister, Serena, were already seated, looking as sleepy as Remus felt. Their father was a stream of pipe smoke hidden behind a newspaper. Occasionally, a hand would reach out, seize the coffee mug on the table, and pull it behind the paper.

A hot, blurbling bowl of porridge was waiting for Remus. He poked at it in disgust. He hated porridge with every molecule in his body. 

Mrs. Lupin carried glasses and a pitcher to the table and began pouring orange juice for her children. “Lyall, put that paper down for a minute,” she ordered. “We have to talk.”

Remus gulped. This didn’t sound good. 

His father folded the Daily Prophet and accepted the orange juice his wife offered him. His green eyes rested on his youngest son. “Remus, your mother and I want to talk to you. About moving in with Sirius.”

Wonderful. Here it came - his parents were going to tell him that they totally supported him, and they loved him even if he was a homosexual werewolf, but they didn’t think it was a good idea for him to move in with his boyfriend. Remus gulped again. Or maybe - his throat closed up - they thought moving in with Sirius meant the two boys would start having sex, and the fact their son was gay would be set in stone. Remus squirmed uncomfortably. How was he supposed to tell them that he and Sirius had been having sex since the middle of their sixth year at Hogwarts?

“We think it’s a sweet idea,” his mother said.

The young werewolf braced himself.

“We want to throw you a party,” Mrs. Lupin said happily.

Silence reigned. Remus stared at his parents, his mouth open. Guillaume had stopped eating with his spoon halfway to his mouth, and Henri had stopped with his spoon actually in his mouth. Serena’s spoon was dripping greyish porridge onto the tablecloth. All four Lupin children goggled at their parents.

“Well?” Mr. Lupin asked. “What do you think?”

Remus swallowed. “Um - a party?”

“Like an engagement party,” Mrs. Lupin said, beaming. “After all, this is a big milestone for you boys.”

“Mum!” Remus blushed. Serena giggled and kicked him under the table. He glared at her as she smiled sweetly up at him from under her long bangs.

“Come on, Remus, it’ll be fun,” she said. 

“I’m not saying it won’t, I just...” Remus sipped at his juice. “I’m just... surprised, is all... I mean, I guess it’s okay.... what kind of party are we talking about?”

“We figured a barbecue in the back garden would be okay,” Mr. Lupin said. “Grilling the food, having an outdoor picnic... does that sound okay to you?”

“Yeah,” Remus said, the shock beginning to wear off. He swallowed a mouthful of porridge. Ugh. Revolting. “I think it’s a good idea.”

Mrs. Lupin hurried over to the counter to snag a pencil and a piece of paper. “There’s so much we need to do!” she gushed. “We need to plan what we’re going to serve, when it’s going to be, who should bring what... your aunt makes the most delicious lemon squares, she’ll probably bring some... oh, and of course, you have to tell Sirius....”

“I was just going to Floo him now,” Remus said, putting his bowl in the sink. “I’ll see what he thinks.”

“Good!” his mother said happily. “And tell him to invite his family!”

Remus stopped halfway through the door. “What?”

“His family, dear,” Mrs. Lupin said. “We’ve been dying to meet Sirius’ parents, you know.”

Remus twitched. This was not good. Sirius’ family was not the kind of people the Lupins would usually make friends with. Correction. The Lupins were not the kind of people the Blacks would usually make friends with (or even say hello to). The Blacks were an ancient, arrogant, pure-blooded wizarding family, and Sirius hated every one of them save his cousin Andromeda. Sirius’ parents had hated him as well since he was very small, instead favoring his younger brother, Regulus; they saw Regulus as the last hope for the dwindling bloodline. Remus gulped. Mr. and Mrs. Black didn’t know Sirius was gay; he had never told them who he was involved with. What was going to happen when they found out?

“Mum, I don’t think Sirius’ parents -”

“Never mind, love. I’m sure they’ll be happy to come. Now hurry along and tell Sirius.”

Remus sighed, resigned to his fate, and headed into the living room. As he took the urn of Floo Powder down from the mantle, he could feel a headache coming on. Suddenly, an ‘engagement’ party seemed less than fun. 

\---

Sirius Black was still in bed when the call came, having a very nice dream involving his boyfriend, silk sheets, and cinnamon-scented body lotions. The lotions were not being used for their recommended purpose. 

“Sirius!”

“Mmm....” Sirius knew that voice very well. That warm, soft voice that made him think of sunshine and chocolate and tea... and sex... 

“Sirius...”

With a soft sigh, Sirius opened an eye, expecting to see Remus stretched out beside him on the bed, naked and inviting. He frowned. He was alone. But still, the voice persisted. 

“Sirius! Get out of bed!”

The raven-haired young man sat up, blinking and pushing his shoulder-length hair out of his eyes as reality came crashing down. The voice was coming from the living room. He swung his long, smoothly muscled legs out of bed and stood, stretching. He entered the living room to find his lover’s head sitting in his fireplace. A smile appeared on his face, and he dropped down on one knee to speak to Remus. “Morning, Remmie. Did you get my letter?”

“Of course I did,” Remus said dryly. Then he lowered his voice and murmured in a sultry tone, “And if my parents weren’t in the other room, I’d be telling you just what I’d be doing to you once I get my hands on you.” His voice returned to normal. “Listen, Siri, Mum has a proposal for us.”

“What’s that?” Sirius tried to pay attention and not dwell on the thoughts of what he’d like Remus to do to him. 

“She wants to have a party for us,” Remus said in a would-be-casual voice. “You know, to celebrate us moving in together.” 

Sirius heard the cautious note in his boyfriend’s voice. “All right, come clean. What’s the catch?”

“Catch? Who said there would be a catch?”

“D’you think I’m daft? I can tell there’s something going on.”

Remus sighed. “She... wants you to invite your family.”

A horrible feeling rose in Sirius’ stomach, but he tried to laugh it off. “Of course I’ll invite Andromeda and Ted - your mum’ll love Nymphadora -”

“Not just them, Siri,” Remus said helplessly. “Everybody. Your parents, Regulus, your cousins... everyone.”

“Did you try to tell her they’re nothing but evil gits?” Sirius asked, plopping down hard on his butt as shock made his legs go weak. 

“She wouldn’t let me get a word in. She and Dad are determined to meet your parents, and they won’t take no for an answer.”

“Do I really have to invite my cousins?” Sirius whined. 

“Yes,” Remus said unhappily. “She wants to meet everybody.”

Sirius put his face in his hands. “I feel ill.”

“Me, too.”

“We can’t avoid it?”

“No. I’m afraid not.”

“Uuurghh...”

“Tell me about it.”

Sirius felt like crying. “Fine... I’ll invite them. I don’t think they’ll come, but at least I’ll try, okay?”

“Okay.” Remus looked equally unhappy. “Love you.”

“Love you.”

Remus’ head disappeared with a pop!, and Sirius got up, shedding his pajamas as he headed for the bathroom to shower.

“I never should have gotten out of bed....” he mumbled.


	2. Refusal and Acceptance

**Disclaimer:** See the first chapter.

  
Chapter 2 - Refusal and Acceptance

A week passed uneventfully. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin were too busy planning the party to ask if Sirius had invited his family yet. Sirius was busy considering telling the Lupins that everyone in his family was dead, except for the Tonkses. That was a little dodgy, though. Mr. and Mrs. Lupin would want to know when his family had died, and how.

Sirius was sitting on his sofa one afternoon, eating a sandwich and wondering if Remus’ parents would believe that his relatives had all gone down on the Titanic, when his doorbell rang. 

He got to his feet and went to answer it. When he peeked through the peephole and saw who it was, he dropped his sandwich. His parents and his younger brother were standing in the hall. 

Sirius picked up his sandwich, perplexed. Ever since running away from his parents’ house last year, he had had no contact at all with his family. The hatred was mutual, and he had fully expected to never see them again in his life. 

He opened the door and started blankly at them. “Mum... Da... Regulus? What are you doing here?”

His mother reached into her bulky handbag and pulled out an envelope. “We received this the other day,” she said, holding it out to him by the tips of her fingers, as though afraid it might contaminate her. Sirius took it from her and opened it. Inside was an invitation. It read, _‘You are Invited to an Engagement Party!!’_ , and gave the time and location of the Lupins’ party. 

As he skimmed it, his family pushed past him and entered his living room. Sirius sensed rather than saw his mother’s look of distaste as she surveyed the room, with its overstuffed furniture and cluttered floor. She moved a pile of motorcycle magazines off the nearest chair and perched on the very edge. Mr. Black and Regulus remained standing. 

“Well?” Mrs. Black asked in a frosty voice as her son looked up from the invitation. “An engagement party? You never told us you were engaged. Who is she? Does she come from an old family?”

Sirius swallowed hard. How was he supposed to tell his bigoted, close-minded parents that he was a.) with a guy; b.) said guy had a Muggle for a mother; and c.) they were expected to attend a party honoring the fact that their son was in love with a half-blood male?

“Well?” Mr. Black looked dangerous as well. “Answer your mother, laddie. We have no time for this!”

“She must be a Mudblood, Da,” Regulus smirked. “Or else he’d have told you by now.”

“Shut up,” Sirius snapped. He had always hated his little brother, and longed to push him down a flight of stairs.

“Well, I want to know what sort of... Mudblood scum you’re seeing,” Mrs. Black shouted. “I always knew you were a rotten son, but I thought you’d at least settle down with a pure-blooded young girl and keep our bloodline going -”

“No chance of that,” Sirius snarled. His parents’ ceaseless talks about marrying a pureblood and continuing the family had always ticked him off. The last thing he wanted to do was have children that might or might not take after their wretched grandparents. He knew what he was about to say would only make his parents hate him even more, and worship Regulus even more, but he didn’t care. Regulus could have as many children as he wanted and make them as nasty as he wanted, but Sirius was done with all that. “I’m engaged to a bloke, all right?!”

Silence reigned. His mother and Regulus had gone deathly pale. His father, however, was turning steadily redder. 

“How dare you,” he hissed. “How dare you - as if you weren’t enough of a shame, you had to go and - and - and do unnatural things with - Do you realize what this would do to our reputation? To our name? Do you understand that?! Look at your brother - do you think he’d ever start shagging another lad - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

“I’m not Regulus,” Sirius growled. “I don’t care what happens to the family name. I couldn’t possibly make it any worse than it already is!”

“Bastard!” Mr. Black slapped him, hard. Sirius staggered, putting a hand over his numb cheek and glaring at his father. 

“Get out.”

“Don’t order me around,” his father snapped. 

“I’ll order you if I want! I’m eighteen now, and you can’t control me! This is my home, and I never invited you to come in and judge me for loving another man - just get out! I don’t want you at the party, I told Remus’ mother so, she just invited you anyway! I don’t give a damn about the precious bloodline, this whole family can go to hell for all I care!” Sirius shouted.

He rather expected his father to hit him again; instead, Mr. Black turned and stormed out of the flat. Mrs. Black and Regulus followed. Sirius stuck his head out the door to watch them as they headed for the lift. “Piss off!” he shouted as loud as he could, then slammed the door hard enough to send the framed picture of himself and his cousin Andromeda at her wedding tumbling to the floor. He hung it back up, impatiently pushing his hair out of his eyes. He was boiling with rage, but at the same time he suddenly felt almost ridiculously lonely. He sniffled, feeling absurd, but he couldn’t help the tears that trickled down his cheeks. He wished again, for the millionth time since the day Regulus had been born and his parents had begun neglecting him, that he had been born into a different family, one like Remus’, with parents and siblings who loved and cared for him. 

Just then, there was a timid knock on the door. Sirius hastily wiped his eyes on his sleeve, and went to answer it. It was Remus, looking overjoyed, but when he saw the look on his lover’s face, his smile faded instantly. 

“Oh, Siri! What’s wrong?”

“My parents just left,” Sirius muttered, shutting the door behind Remus. 

“Oh...” Remus put his arms around his mate. “Were they being beastly to you again?”

“Mmm.” Sirius buried his damp face in Remus’ soft hair. “They got the invitation today. They went mad when I told them who my significant other was.”

“Poor darling.” Remus kissed the tip of Sirius’ nose. “Well, I already warned Mum something like this would happen. I tried to get her not to send that invitation, but she wouldn’t listen....”

“It’s not your fault. Your mum can’t help that my family is a bunch of stuck-up prigs.”

Remus pulled a hanky out of his pocket and dried Sirius’ tears. “Andromeda and Ted will come. James and Lily are coming, and so are Peter and Grace. It doesn’t matter if your parents won’t. Okay?”

“Yeah.” Sirius squeezed Remus gently. A few moments passed in silence. Finally, Remus spoke.

“Do you still need some cheering up?” he inquired, one hand sliding under Sirius’ shirt. The Animagus finally smiled. 

“Yeah. That’d be nice.”

\---

Several satisfying hours later, they lay still in Sirius’ bed, the streetlight outside casting a pale orange glow across their bare skin. Sirius felt much better as he stroked Remus’ hair, his lover dozing lightly with a small smile on his lips. It wasn’t very hard for Remus to cheer him up. Smiling, Sirius kissed his lover’s forehead. 

Remus’ eyelids flickered. “Feeling better?” he murmured. 

“Mmm-hm. Thanks.”

“It was my pleasure.” The young werewolf shifted slightly, snuggling closer. “I love you.”

“Love you too. Staying the night?”

“If you want me to.”

“Of course I want you to. You’d better give your folks a heads-up.”

“They know where I am.” Remus shivered, and Sirius pulled the blankets up. “Don’t be sad anymore, Siri.”

“I won’t.” Sirius was feeling pleasantly warm and drowsy. “’Night.”

“’Night.”

\---

They swore they wouldn’t come. Not in a million years. The Blacks had no interest at all in meeting the boy their son was shagging. In fact, it was something of a relief to know. Now they felt even happier about blowing Sirius off the family tree. But something strange happened on the same night they had so rudely refused the invitation. 

Bellatrix was visiting with her husband Rodolphus. She had heard the entire story from her aunt and uncle as soon as they returned to Grimmauld Place, and sat considering it for quite awhile. 

“Well,” she said, “Why aren’t we going?”

Mr. and Mrs. Black stared at her. Regulus and Rodolphus looked shocked. 

“What?” Mrs. Black asked. “Bella, my dear, you certainly don’t want to go?”

“No.” Bellatrix shrugged. “But think of it this way, Auntie. Wouldn’t it be worse for Sirius if we all went?”

Regulus blinked rapidly. “How so?”

“We could try to break him up with this boyfriend of his. I don’t like him, but even so, wouldn’t it be better for him if he was with a woman, and had children?” Bellatrix said. “Then, we could paint him and his brood mare as unfit parents and take the children to raise properly. It’d be good for the family. After all, if he’s gay, that’s a real blow to our line. And I don’t want to put all the pressure on you, Regulus,” she sniggered, winking at her cousin.

Her uncle and aunt exchanged looks, seeming to communicate with their eyes. “You may have a point, Bella...” her uncle said slowly.

“That I do. I mean, none of us wants to see the end of the Black name, do we?” she asked sensibly. 

“No!” her aunt and uncle cried. “Very well.” Mrs. Black said. “I’ll reply to the invite... let this Mrs. Lupin know we’re all coming. You’ve informed Narcissa and Lucius?”

“Of course,” Bellatrix said, smiling evilly. 

Regulus beamed. “And even if we can’t drive them apart, at least I can embarrass Sirius in front of his toy boy’s family!”

Bellatrix beamed back. “See? There’s a silver lining in every cloud!”

\---

Back in the flat, Sirius suddenly jerked awake with a yelp and a shudder.

“What is it, love?” Remus asked sleepily from beside him.

Sirius bit his lip. “I don’t know. Suddenly, I got this feeling something really bad is going to happen....”


	3. Preparations

**Disclaimer:** See the first chapter.

Chapter 3 - Preparations

-

“This is the most insane idea I’ve ever heard,” James stated flatly. 

Two days before the dreaded party, James, Lily, and Sirius were at Remus’ house, helping him pack for his move to Sirius’ flat. James and Lily had been well-informed about the party from the beginning, but they hadn’t the chance to talk about it with their friends until now. 

Lily carried a neat stack of Remus’ books across the room and placed them in the box labeled ‘Books & Such’. Her diamond engagement ring glinted on her left hand. “It’s not so bad, James,” she said, though she sounded quite unconvinced. 

Poor, sweet, innocent Lily. She had never met the Blacks, and neither James nor Sirius had been willing to fill her in on most of the details of Sirius’ childhood, so she did not know what horrors the Blacks could cause. 

“Yes it is,” Sirius groused. He was sitting on the floor, folding up Remus’ winter clothes for packing. “They went mad at me when I told them about Remus. I can’t even begin to imagine why they accepted the invite. Up to something unsavory, I’ll bet,” he finished, piling Remus’ jumpers in the winter clothes box. 

“I still think you’re being a tad ridiculous,” Lily huffed, adding more books to her box. “Remus’ parents are wonderful, decent people. I’m sure your parents won’t find a thing to complain about.”

“You’d be surprised, Lil,” Remus’ voice said from under the bed, where he was making an attempt to sweep out at least thirteen years’ worth of dust bunnies. “My family parties are always a bit... you know. Everyone’s just having a lot of fun. But I dunno if our idea of fun is appealing to Sirius’ family...”

Lily sighed, tired of arguing. “Let’s just wait and see, okay?”

\---

The day before the party, Remus was a nervous wreck. He woke up at five, as abruptly as if someone had popped a paper bag over his head or something. He sat up in bed. His room was a mass of boxes, neatly taped shut and labeled. The only things not packed were his toothbrush, hairbrush, and enough clothes for the next few days. 

He got up, put on his slippers, and trudged downstairs. He didn’t expect anyone else to be up this early, but his mother was already in the kitchen, making a fresh pitcher of orange juice. 

“’Morning, Mum.” Remus kissed her cheek. 

“Morning, lamb. What are you doing up so early?”

“Couldn’t sleep.” He accepted the glass of juice his mother offered him. “Excited, I guess.” He didn’t mention how simply, bloody, nearly-wetting-himself scared he was thinking of tomorrow’s events.

Mrs. Lupin smiled, brushing her son’s bangs aside to kiss his forehead. “You’ll be fine. Sirius loves you very much. I’m glad he wants you to live with him. I think... I think Sirius is a very lonely person. If he has you with him, maybe he won’t... you know, feel so bad anymore.”

Remus paused in sipping his drink as his mother turned to the stove, his eyes wide. Without knowing it, his mother had hit the nail on the head. Sirius was a very lonely person. He had pretty much had to raise himself, as no one in his family cared about him, and had gone through his entire childhood without ever being loved by his parents. As much as Sirius loathed his family, Remus was sure their treatment of their son would leave a deep scar in his lover’s memory. He smiled secretly to himself. It would be okay, though. He would be Sirius’ family now. 

“Everyone’s coming in to Heathrow this afternoon,” Mrs. Lupin said, interrupting Remus’ thoughts. “Your father and Guillaume will pick them up, but I’d really appreciate if you, Henri, and Serena would help me get the house ready for when they arrive.”

“Sure, Mum. Have we got enough room?”

“Of course. Your aunt and uncle will take the sleeper sofa in the den, and your grandmother will have the extra bed in Serena’s room. We should be all right for a few days.”

“Okay. I think I’ll call Sirius, see if he wants to help.” 

\---

Normally all the Lupin children hated cleaning with all their power (except Remus, who was a fanatic for neatness) but with Sirius helping out, it was a lot of fun. Remus had had no idea Sirius could be so quick and adept with a dust-cloth (especially after seeing his messy flat), but Sirius could make even the stubborn old dresser in the dining room glow. He watched his mate in amusement as he helped polish the silver. Sirius was doing Dumbledore impressions across the room as Serena (who had always had a crush on her brother’s boyfriend) giggled helplessly, almost dropping the cut-glass butter dish she was holding. 

“Knock it off, Fido, before Sere wets herself,” Henri said, poking his head into the dining room. “Mum wants the silver polished sometime before everybody gets here.”

“Okay, okay.” Sirius grabbed a rag and took the seat beside Remus, moving close enough to rest his thigh casually against Remus’. “Planning a big dinner, Mrs. Lupin?” he called, reaching for a handful of spoons and ignoring the blush that appeared on his mate’s face. 

Remus’ mother poked her head into the dining room with a smile. Her long blonde hair was pinned up in a knot, and she was wearing her frilly pink apron. “Yes, dear. We’ve got relatives flying in for the party, so I figured we’d have a nice, fancy dinner beforehand. Would you join us?”

Sirius’ grin widened, and Remus mentally blessed his mother for including Sirius in the family plans. “Love to. That is, if there’s enough food to go around!”

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Mrs. Lupin said, tucking a stray strand of hair out of her eyes before returning to her cooking. 

The whole day had the feel of Christmas as the Lupins and Sirius got everything ready for the rest of the family. Mr. Lupin and Guillaume left around four to go to Heathrow airport. Remus and Serena got the sofa in the den ready for their aunt and uncle, unfolding the sofa-bed and putting sheets, blankets, and pillows on it. Henri and Sirius added the extra leaves to the dining-room table, and Mrs. Lupin spread her best snowy-white tablecloth out and anchored it in place with two heavy silver candlesticks. It was beautiful when they finished, set with gleaming silverware and Mrs. Lupin’s lovely wedding china with the pink flowers. 

“Dad will be back soon, we’d better get cleaned up,” Remus said, pulling Sirius into the bathroom.

“Do you lads mind?” Henri asked with a groan.

“Shut up.”

Remus began to feel nervous again when his father’s car pulled into the drive. How were his relatives going to react when they were introduced to Sirius? He squeezed Sirius’ hand, and Sirius smiled reassuringly at him and squeezed back. Remus could read his thoughts in his eyes - “I love you, it’ll be all right.” 

“We’re home!” The front door swung open and Remus’ father entered, carrying several suitcases. Uncle Nicholas followed with the rest of the luggage, while Aunt Beatrice and Grandmamma brought up the rear. 

“Beatrice, Nicholas, Dominique!” Mrs. Lupin hurried forward to embrace her in-laws. “It’s so nice to see you again! Was your flight all right?”

“Very good,” Aunt Beatrice replied, moving into the living room to hug her nephews and niece. Remus swallowed hard and plastered a smile on his face as she hugged and kissed him. Her eyes rested on Sirius, and she smiled. “Who is this?”

Ack. The Time Of Judgment. Remus smiled nervously and said, “This i-is Sirius Black, Auntie. He’s... he’s my boyfriend.”

He expected an explosion, something on a scale with the atomic bomb, but his aunt just smiled wider and hugged Sirius. “So this is the Sirius we’ve heard about! He’s so handsome.”

Henri and Serena giggled behind Sirius’ back, while Remus cast a confused look at his mother. “Mum -?”

“I thought it would be easier on you if I broke the news to them,” Mrs. Lupin whispered. “They’ve known for awhile that you and Sirius are together.”

“Oh - thanks, then,” Remus said, feeling slightly confused. Well, it was something of a relief to know his relatives already knew - now that only left the Blacks.

Great.

After the flurry of hugs and kisses was over, and the luggage safely put away, and everyone herded into the dining room for drinks before dinner, Remus managed to grab Sirius’ arm and pull him into the bathroom for a moment.

“I can’t believe Mum told them already,” he pouted. “I mean, I wasn’t looking forward to it or anything, but I figured it was one of those growing-up things...”

Sirius shook his head. “Just wait until you meet my family,” he muttered. Then he smiled. “Your family’s great, Remmie. I mean it. They’re... the kind of family I always wanted to be a part of.”

Remus beamed and threw his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, planting a firm kiss on Sirius’ lips. “You’re way beyond sweet sometimes,” he murmured. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.” Sirius kissed back. It might have turned into a steamy moment, if their names hadn’t been called.

“Remus! Sirius! Where are you? It’s almost time to eat!”

“Coming, Mum! Guess we’ll have to finish this later,” Remus smiled, taking his lover by the hand and leading him into the dining room. 

\---

Dinner was a huge success that night. The adults chattered away while the Lupin children and Sirius stuffed themselves with everything within reach. Dessert was a giant chocolate gateau topped with cherries and real whipped cream - Mrs. Lupin’s specialty. All too soon, it was time for bed. Sirius said goodbye to everyone, and Remus walked him out to the sidewalk, where his motorcycle was parked. 

Sirius kissed him. “Get lots of rest, love. Tomorrow’s the big day.”

Remus gulped. “You make it sound like we’re getting married.”   
“I suppose we are, in a way,” Sirius shrugged, pulling on his leather jacket. “At least I know there’ll be a few people here who won’t want to tear my head off.”

Remus sighed as he watched Sirius strap on his helmet. “I’m so nervous,” he admitted.

“Feh. Don’t be. I’ll take care of them if - when - they act up.” Sirius kissed him again. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Remus stuck his fingers in his ears as Sirius revved the bike up, then waved as his mate drove off. He headed back inside to say goodnight to everyone. It wasn’t going to be easy, he thought, biting his lip. Tomorrow might turn out to be a nightmare...

\---

Sirius reached his building twenty minutes later, and parked his motorcycle at the curb. He dismounted, cast a sneaky look around, and, seeing no one, cast a quick anti-thieving charm on the bike. He headed into the building and trudged upstairs to his flat, stifling a yawn. He wasn’t really tired yet, so he plopped down on the sofa to watch the telly for awhile. He began pulling his hair into a loose braid.

“I have a feeling it is going to be a very long day....” he muttered.


	4. Introductions

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

Chapter 4 - Introductions

-

When Remus’ alarm rang at seven the next morning, he jumped out of bed. It wasn’t that he was excited to get up. It was just that he was so wired that his nerves were making him do odd things. His left eye was jittering, as well. He sighed, rubbing under his twitching eye. He felt sick to his stomach. Totally unable to stand it, he burst into Guillaume’s room. “Gill!”

His brother was still half-asleep, and it took awhile before he seemed to figure out what was going on. “Rem? What is it?”

Remus seized Gill’s wand from the night table and thrust it at him. “Put a Cheering Charm on me! Please!”

“Wha -? Why? What’s got you bummed?” Gill blinked. “I thought today was a happy day.”

“I’m too nervous,” Remus said. “I can’t stop worrying.”

“So it’s true, then,” Gill said.

“Er - pardon?”

“I was wondering if Sirius was one of the Blacks,” Gill said unhappily. “I mean, I figured he just had the same name, but wasn’t related to any of them. He seems like such a nice bloke, I couldn’t think for a moment that he’d be part of that awful family.”

“Well, he is,” Remus said glumly. “In seven hundred years, only two Blacks were born decent - Sirius and his cousin Andromeda.”

“No wonder you’re so upset about them meeting Mum and Dad. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well, I didn’t want to burst their bubble... I mean, they seemed so happy... I couldn’t bear to ruin the party...”

Gill put his wand aside and hugged his little brother instead. “It’s okay, Rem. As rotten as the Blacks are, there is such a thing as keeping up appearances. They’ll have to be polite to Mum and Dad, no matter how much they dislike them. After all, they’re going to be guests in our home. Don’t fuss, okay? You get a special Big Brother guarantee. Everything’ll be okay.”

Remus hugged back, suddenly aware that he felt a little better. Not completely at ease, but much better than he had felt when he got out of bed. His eye wasn’t twitching anymore, either. “Thanks.”

“No problem. You’d better go get dressed - Mum’ll be calling us for breakfast soon.”

“Okay.” Remus returned to his bedroom and pawed through his suitcase. He chose a nice pair of jeans and a plain tan sweatshirt. He pulled the outfit on, put on his trainers, and carefully applied Chapstick to his ragged bottom lip, which he’d been chewing in anxiety. He brushed his hair neatly, gave himself a critical glance in the mirror, and headed downstairs for breakfast. 

The kitchen was packed and semi-chaotic. Mrs. Lupin was dishing out scrambled eggs as fast as she could, as Mr. Lupin poured coffee. Henri was sitting on the counter to eat, having given his grandmother his chair, and Serena had squished herself into a corner so as to be out of the way. Sirius was there, looking as pale and clammy as Remus felt, nervously nibbling on a cornbread muffin. Uncle Nicholas was talking loudly over the confusion, trying to make himself heard to his wife. Aunt Beatrice obviously hadn’t heard; she was passing out muffins. As Remus edged into the room to perch on Sirius’ knee (the only seat left), Gill joined the confusion and was promptly beaned in the head by a muffin. 

“Morning, love.” Sirius kissed his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Nervous.” Remus caught the muffin his aunt threw to him from across the table and began picking at it. “How come you didn’t come upstairs to see me?”

“I was going to, but your mum made me sit down and eat. She said I looked ready to pass out.” Sirius smiled weakly. “Didn’t know I showed nervousness that well.”

“Just bear in mind, it’ll all be over this time tomorrow,” Remus whispered. 

“If we aren’t dead by then.”

\---

After breakfast was done, Mrs. Lupin and Aunt Beatrice set to work, cleaning up the dishes and preparing food in a whirlwind of activity. Sirius and Remus, feeling somewhat claustrophobic, fled to the openness of the back garden.

“Boys! Give me a hand with these, would you?” Mr. Lupin called as they emerged onto the porch. He was tussling with the Lupins’ white plastic lawn chairs. Remus and Sirius hurried to help.

“Where do you want them?”

“The porch and the patio. Oh, and we need to set up both tables. Your mother and your aunt will have the food ready soon.” 

They had barely finished setting up the furniture when the back door opened and Lupins poured out, carrying dishes and plates of food. Remus, Sirius, and Mr. Lupin leaped out of the way. 

“Guess that’s the cue to break out the old Binford!” Mr. Lupin said cheerfully, heading back to the shed. At the same time, the doorbell chimed faintly. Remus squeezed around his family and hurried into the house to answer it. 

“Wotcher, lads!” It was Sirius’ cousin Andromeda, with her husband Ted and their six-month-old daughter, Nymphadora. She kissed their cheeks, holding the baby out to Sirius. “Someone’s missed you, Puppy.”

Nymphadora screeched and grabbed Sirius’ hair, making him wince. “Glad to see you, too.”

“Everyone’s out back,” Remus said. “I’m sorry we aren’t ready yet, but...”

“Nah, we're early.” Andromeda and Ted followed Remus outside, and Sirius brought up the rear, still trying to get Nymphadora to let go of his hair. 

“Mum, Dad!” Remus yelled. “MUM! DAD!”

His parents disentangled themselves from the bustle and joined them. “Mum, Dad, this is Sirius’ cousin Andromeda and her husband.” Remus introduced them. “Andromeda, Ted, this is my mum and dad. And somewhere around here is...”

“Nymphadora,” Sirius said in a disgruntled voice, appearing at Remus’ elbow. He thrust the baby back into her mother’s arms and smoothed his hair. “Charming girl.”

The Lupins were thrilled with the baby. Remus, however, was less than thrilled. He had just realized that his father was wearing one of his old, faded t-shirts and a pair of cargo shorts that left his extremely hairy calves exposed to the world. Even worse, he was wearing Jesus sandals with white socks. Remus cringed, but there was no time to tell him to change. The doorbell rang again. Remus hastened to answer it. 

It was James and Lily, with Peter and Grace. “Hi!” they all chanted, beaming. Remus grinned back, standing aside to let them in.

“We brought food!” Lily announced, holding out her specialty - chocolate cake. Grace had brought along a big bag of potato crisps and a homemade cherry pie. 

“It looks delicious,” said Remus, ushering his friends through the house and into the back yard. James made a beeline for Sirius and clapped him on the back; Lily and Grace were caught in a big hug by Mrs. Lupin; and Peter headed straight for the snack table. 

The doorbell chimed again. Remus quickly thrust Lily’s cake and Grace’s pie onto the nearest chair and hurried to answer it.

“Remmie -” Sirius broke loose from James’ grasp and dashed after him. “Maybe I’d better -”

Too late. Remus had opened the door. 

He blanched. Sirius’ family was standing there, dressed in their very best (which was, for the Blacks, very good). He gulped. Why would they wear their very best? Didn’t they realize this was going to be an outdoor barbecue? No, of course not. The invitation hadn’t mentioned a barbecue, or a dress code. 

“Remmie -” Sirius skidded to a stop behind him. “I - er... hi, Mum, Da.....”

His father’s eye was twitching, his face was flushed, and he seemed to be beyond speaking. Regulus and Bellatrix were smirking. But Mrs. Black wasted no time in speaking up.

“Sirius, is this your.... fiancée?” She said fiancée the same way other people might say manure.

“Erm... yes.... this is Remus,” Sirius said. “Um... come in?”

Remus felt rather than saw the looks the Blacks were casting around at the Lupin’s clean but comfortably shabby house as they headed out back. He swallowed hard, and Sirius took his hand. There was a sound that may or may not have been several sets of teeth grinding behind them.

“M-Mum, D-Dad?” Remus called. “Er... the rest of Sirius’ f-family is here....”

“Oh!” The Lupins snapped to attention, and the introductions began. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, this is my mum and da, and my little brother Regulus..... my cousin Bellatrix and her husband Rodolphus... my cousin Narcissa and her husband, Lucius... Rodolphus’ brother, Rabastan...”

“Mr. and Mrs. Black, these are my parents... my older brothers, Guillaume and Henri... my little sister Serena... my Aunt Beatrice and Uncle Nicholas... and my grandmamma, Dominique...”

There was a pause. The Lupins were eyeing the Blacks’ fancy clothes, evidently wondering why they would wear outfits so extravagant to a barbecue; the Blacks were eyeing the Lupin’s outfits, which were clean and neat but obviously not their best. Sirius and Remus exchanged glances with each other and their friends. 

“Well,” Mr. Lupin said, a little too heartily, “Glad to meet you!”

There was another pause. 

“Erm - would you like to sit down?” Mrs. Lupin said timidly. 

The Blacks eyed the patio furniture. There were a few minutes when Remus fully expected them to decline; but then Bellatrix, Narcissa, Regulus, and Mrs. Black dropped into the nearest chairs. Mr. Black, Rodolphus, Rabastan, and Lucius remained standing, looking uncomfortable. Mr. Lupin took this as an opportunity to speak.

“Well, I guess I’ll get started with the grill,” he said in a good attempt at cheerfulness, heading over to the Binford. “Hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken wings, to begin with!” He tied on his apron. Remus groaned; the Blacks looked revolted, except for Bellatrix and Regulus, who were fighting back giggles. 

Mr. Lupin’s favorite apron, the one he was wearing now, was a long white one printed with the motto “Kiss The Warlock”, along with lips and hearts. It came with a large, puffy white chef’s hat, which Mr. Lupin was now putting on. He made a ridiculous sight. All four Lupin children had been embarrassed before by their father’s grilling attire, but this had to take the cake. Regulus was nearly purple with the effort of holding in his laughter. Sirius kicked his brother hard in the shin.

“Ouch! What d’you think you’re doing, you stupid -”

“Shut up,” Sirius growled through clenched teeth. As soon as his parents looked away, he bent down to breathe in Regulus’ ear : “And if you don’t behave, I swear I’ll kill you.”

“Yeah. Right. No, you wouldn’t. You’d end up in Azkaban, and I doubt your little bedfellow there will be allowed a conjugal visit.”

Sirius resisted the strong urge to slap his rotten little brother upside the head. “Brat.”

“Pouf.”

“Wanker.”

“Faerie.”

“Eat it.”

“No thanks. Why don’t you offer it to Remus?”

Sirius growled menacingly and walked away, over to where Andromeda was bouncing Nymphadora on her knee and chatting away happily with Aunt Beatrice and James. Little brothers - who needed them?

Ted was standing at the grill with Mr. Lupin, and the two men were talking about different grills and different brands of charcoal, comparing the use of coals to wood chips. Serena was eyeing Regulus, and Sirius wondered if she knew how rotten he was under that gorgeous exterior. 

Mrs. Lupin had just finished lining up Tupperwares filled with ketchup, mustard, relish, and other condiments on one of the tables, with the help of Lily, Grace, and Grandmamma. She smiled at Sirius as he approached. 

“Sorry,” he muttered to her. “We tried to warn you. They’re.... not the friendliest people you’ll ever meet.”

“Oh, don’t be sorry,” Mrs. Lupin said softly, patting his arm. “It’s not your fault. I wasn’t listening to Remus when he tried to tell me.” She smiled. “We can just do our best and suffer through.”

He smiled back, and bent to get a soda out of the cooler by her feet. As he straightened up and popped the top, Uncle Nicholas emerged from the house, carrying a huge platter filled with a whomping pile of hamburgers and hot dogs. “Ready to cook, Lyall?”

“Sure, bring them over!” Mr. Lupin called back. “Who wants what?”

Well, at least the Blacks were polite enough as they told Mrs. Lupin what they wanted. None of them looked thrilled at eating such mundane cuisine, but no one complained. Mr. Lupin slapped the first round of burgers on the grill, and turned the flames a little higher. 

POOOOF.

Fire blossomed from the grill in a bright pillar, making everyone scream.


	5. Condiments

Disclaimer: See the first chapter.

Chapter 5 - Condiments

-

“Fire in the hole!!” Sirius dove behind the nearest table, pulling Remus and Serena with him. The rest of the guests had fled to all corners of the garden, as Mr. Lupin beat at the flames with his stupid puffy chef’s hat. The dog next door began to bark loudly.

“Nicholas!” Mr. Lupin coughed as his hat burst into flames. He dropped it onto he grill, where it was engulfed in flames and then crumbled into ash. 

Uncle Nicholas darted forward, pulled out his wand, and moved it in a wide, sweeping motion. A great wave of water poured from the wand’s tip, extinguishing the flames. Thick clouds of dark grey smoke billowed up from the grill, covering the garden. Everyone coughed violently, waving the smoke away from their faces. When it cleared, Mr. Lupin reached out gingerly with the spatula and scraped a black, charred something from the grill. 

“I don’t suppose anyone likes their burgers this well-done,” he said sadly.

“No, I suppose they don’t,” Sirius said, staring at the charred burger.

Just then, several men in yellow slickers came charging into the back garden, leaving craters in the grass from their heavy boots and sending Mrs. Lupin’s silver gazing globe tumbling from its stand and rolling off into the shrubs. They were dragging a thick hose.

“Oi! We got a call from a neighbor saying there was an explosion here!” one panted. “Is everyone all right?”

“We’re fine,” Mr. Lupin assured them. “Just - er - a little heavy on the lighter fluid... but it’s out now, see?”

“Care for a burger?” Henri offered, holding out the charred patty on a bun.

“No thanks,” the Muggle firemen answered.

“Be careful from now on, okay?” the head fireman said, as he and his partners turned to leave. 

“Yes, sir.”

“Cheerio.”

Silence reigned as the firemen cleared out (stomping a lawn gnome and breaking several heads off Mrs. Lupin’s beloved rose bushes as they did so). Even the dog next door had fallen silent. The Blacks were picking grass and twigs from their clothes and hair. James was sniggering, while Lily and Grace looked horrified. Peter was trying to salvage the fallen bowl of crisps. Sirius struggled to his feet, then helped Remus and Serena up. Eight pairs of eyes glared in his direction. Ignoring these from long practice, Sirius joined Mr. Lupin at the grill. 

“Well, we can fix this.” A few waves of his wand, a couple of incantations, and several hamburgers were sizzling over a nice flame. Chuckling, Mr. Lupin handed Sirius his ‘Kiss the Warlock’ apron, which Sirius tied on without hesitation. Remus groaned and buried his face in his hands, but he was smiling. At least there was one Black who wanted to be a member of the Lupin family. 

The party began to return to normal. The Blacks picked gingerly at their food, perhaps suspecting poison; Nymphadora was passed from person to person to be hugged and tickled; the dog next door resumed his barking, annoying Sirius’ parents. Remus wandered over to watch his lover prepare the grilled food. Sirius handed him a hot dog with a wink. 

“Go ahead, wrap your lips around that, Moony,” he purred softly.

Remus elbowed him. “No phallic jokes around my parents, please!” He reached for the ketchup.

“Like they’d get it?”

“I’m afraid to know. Just shut up and cook.”

Mrs. Lupin came out of the house carrying a giant Tupperware bowl of coleslaw, which she set on the already crowded table of condiments. “You’re doing a lovely job, Sirius,” she said. “The apron looks good on you.”

“Mum! Don’t encourage him!” Remus cried, as Sirius and Mrs. Lupin giggled.

“Sorry, love,” Mrs. Lupin wiped a tear from her eye and went back to squeezing too many condiments onto the precariously wobbling table. 

Meanwhile, Regulus and Bellatrix were talking with their heads close together. 

“I can’t believe how stupid they are, they could have killed us all -” Regulus hissed.

“Shh.” Bellatrix stuck a crisp in his mouth. “Not so loud.”

He swallowed and glared at her. “Bella! We’re supposed to be humiliating Sirius here! How d’you propose we do that?”

“It’s not hard,” Bellatrix drawled. “I have a feeling Mr. and Mrs. Lupin don’t know that their son and his Golden Boy have been having sex.”

Regulus stared at her. “How do you know that?”

“It’s only natural, okay?”

“Well, how do you plan on bringing that up in conversation?”

“I don’t know. I figured we could make a lot of double-sided remarks and see how everyone else reacts.”

“Like what? ‘So, Sirius, do you enjoy eating bananas’?”

“No!” Bellatrix smacked her cousin upside the head. “Sometimes you're as stupid as he is. No, this will require some thought....”

Regulus shrugged. “Whatever. I’m going to get some potato salad.”

He grabbed his plate and headed for the tables of food. Bellatrix put her head in her hands and groaned. Why did her partner in crime have to be a healthy, growing, sixteen-year-old boy?

Rodolphus patted her back. “Okay, darling?”

“Mmmph,” she muttered from behind her hands.

“Smashing. Are you going to eat that hot dog?”

She pushed it at him with a sigh.

As this was going on, Sirius’ parents had been converged upon by Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, who were eager to talk about their sons. Both Blacks wished nothing better than to hit their hosts with a good Silencing Charm, or perhaps a few illegal curses; but they ground their teeth and put up with it. The Lupins were doing most of the talking, as the Blacks had little, if any, supportive things to say about one of their sons falling in love with a werewolf of the same sex.

“It’s just so wonderful that they have each other,” Mrs. Lupin was saying, as the Blacks picked the skin off their chicken wings. “It’s so hard for werewolves to find acceptance in the wizarding community. But Sirius makes my Remus happy. Anyone can see that.”

Mrs. Black grunted in reply. Mr. Black nodded curtly. 

Silence. Then Mr. Lupin tried a different tack. “Well, Orion, what’s your betting that the Montrose Magpies are going to make it to the top of the League this year?”

“Magpies suck!” said Sirius, who had overheard. “The Ballycastle Bats are going to the top!”

“Shut it, Black!” James retorted. “Wigtown Wanderers all the way!”

“Shows what you two know,” Mr. Lupin retorted with a smile. Sirius chuckled and went back to grilling, and Mr. Lupin turned back to Mr. Black. It seemed a response was needed, so Mr. Black shrugged.

“Maybe,” he said grudgingly.

Mrs. Black sniffed, and stood up. “Excuse me.” She headed back for seconds, eyeing her eldest son, whom she had a suspicion had spit in her last burger. He avoided all eye contact as he slapped a new one on her plate. She turned sharply on her heel (the six-inch heel of the granny boot she was wearing digging a hole in Mr. Lupin’s meticulously cared-for lawn) and headed for the condiment table. 

“AROOOF!” a loud bark sounded, making Mrs. Black screech. A huge, shaggy grey dog had just bounded into the garden, trailing a broken rope from its collar. It lunged straight at Mrs. Black, barking happily and wagging its tail. Mrs. Black shrieked as the dog collided with the condiment table, sending bottles and Tupperwares all over the place. Mustard and coleslaw splashed the front of her blue silk dress, which had cost roughly seven hundred Galleons at Gladrags Wizardwear and was nearly impossible to clean. 

The ketchup flew the length of the garden and landed on Regulus’ head with a faint plop!. Red cascaded down his sleek hair and into his eyes, and he wailed, dropping his plate. The enormous dog was at his feet in an instant, licking up the food. Regulus screamed, and his father darted in to rescue him - but slipped in a puddle of mayonnaise and fell on his bottom, his fine trousers instantly greased and smeared with the stuff. 

Mrs. Lupin was wailing, trying to scrub off Mrs. Black’s dress with a handful of paper napkins. Lily ran into the house to fetch a damp rag, but slid in spilled relish and wound up head-first in a bush. Sirius wasn’t even trying to hold in his laughter, which doubled when Narcissa and Bellatrix tried to help their uncle up and only succeeded in falling in the mayonnaise themselves.

“Scruffles!! Bad dog!!” the woman from next door, Mrs. Perkins, came charging into the garden. She was wearing a flowery old housecoat with soup stains down the front and a pair of fuzzy pink slippers. Her hair was done up in rollers, and she was waving a rolled-up newspaper in one hand. “No! Scruffles! You miserable beast!”

Scruffles barked loudly, charging at her. Mrs. Perkins grabbed the dog by the collar and hauled him away. 

“Stupid mutt!” Mrs. Black was in a towering rage, her fine dress almost certainly ruined. “I hate bloody dogs!”

“Oh, Walburga, I’m so sorry!” Mrs. Lupin sobbed, trying in vain to blot out the damp coleslaw stains on Mrs. Black’s gown.

Mrs. Perkins came back, wringing her hands. “Hope, I’m sorry! The damn dog broke his rope! He must have smelled your barbecue! Miserable animal, he never stops eating!!”

Sirius was howling, tears and eyeliner running down his face. Remus was trying to shut him up, but was giggling himself. The Blacks were beside themselves with fury, and again Remus wondered why they had worn their finest clothes to a barbecue.

Regulus was clinging to his father and whimpering. Sixteen or no, Regulus was still sufficiently scared enough of dogs to cry whenever one was near. Sirius had often wondered if a visit from Padfoot might not make him feel better. 

It took awhile to clean everything up and restore order. The hose was employed to wash the condiment stains off the grass. Everyone trooped inside to be out of the way while Mr. Lupin hosed down the garden. They all clustered together in the dining room. It was very crowded. 

Mrs. Lupin attempted to smile. “Well, who’s ready for dessert?”


	6. Dessert

**Disclaimer:** See the first chapter.

Chapter 6 - Dessert

-

No one answered. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, Mrs. Lupin retreated into the kitchen to start bringing out desserts. Lily, Grace, and Aunt Beatrice followed her. 

Sirius picked up the shining silver teapot and used it as a mirror while he dabbed at the smudged eyeliner on his cheeks. Remus closed his eyes and slumped wearily into the nearest chair - then jumped up with a squeak, since the chair was already occupied by Rabastan, who glared at him. 

Mrs. Black was muttering malevolently under her breath, scrubbing furiously at her gown. It was a lost cause. It was ruined. She turned to her husband and growled through gritted teeth, “I should make them pay for my frock - though by the looks of them and this house, they couldn’t afford it...”

The silver teapot crashed to the table, catching everyone’s attention. Sirius had heard. He glared at his mother. “Shut it, Mum.” 

“Don’t talk to your mother like that -” Mr. Black started.

“I’ll talk to her any way I damn well ple-”

“Dessert!” Mrs. Lupin said, perhaps a little louder than necessary, as she entered the room carrying a platter of brownies and a giant strawberry tart. Lily followed with her cake and a box of cookies; Grace brought in her yummy cherry pie and the lemon squares; Aunt Beatrice followed with stacks of plates, forks, and spoons. A few more trips, and the long table was filled with all kinds of sugary-sweet confections. Mrs. Lupin’s silverware gleamed in the light. 

A few were not impressed by the beauty of the dessert table. Bellatrix sat in a corner, pouting and occasionally picking stray potato crisps from her long raven hair as she watched the others choose their desserts. Her aunt was likewise hanging back; Bellatrix didn’t blame her. The lovely blue frock had cost hundreds of Galleons at the shop, and these lousy Mudbloods and Mudblood-lovers had ruined it in three seconds. How dare they!

“Bella, want a biscuit?” Regulus had piled his plate high with what looked like a sample of every dish on the table. Bellatrix shook her head firmly and continued to grind her teeth. Her grey eyes rested on her cousin, who was laughing and sharing a slice of chocolate cake with his toy boy. In fact, he was allowing the nasty Mudblood scum to feed it to him. What was with him? What had turned Sirius into a traitor of the bloodline? What had possibly made him into the person he was now? She supposed if anyone knew, they could have set him straight long ago. He was the heir to the family, for Merlin’s sake, and he was throwing it all away for a slut with a sweet smile?

“Whoops!” a voice cut into her thoughts. Something brown cascaded over Bellatrix’s lap. She screeched. It was chocolate pudding. Henri had tripped over someone’s foot, causing him to deposit his dessert in her lap. She glared at him. If looks could kill, Henri would have dropped dead of a brain aneurysm at that moment. 

“You stupid fool!” she snapped at him.

“I’m sorry!” Henri tried to wipe the pudding off her knees with a napkin. Most plopped back into the bowl, but the remainder just made a huge stain on Bellatrix’s skirt. Mrs. Lupin had noticed the predicament, and was offering Bellatrix a change of clothes so the skirt could be washed. A vein throbbed dangerously near Bellatrix’s hairline.

“THAT’S IT!” she shouted, unable to take it anymore. A ringing silence fell as everyone stared at her. She was breathing heavily, one hand clenched over the relish stain on her blouse, another in front of the huge pudding smear on her skirt. “You stupid, stupid people!! How can you be so careless?! My best clothes - Auntie’s best dress! - RUINED!” She was trembling in fury. Regulus was looking at her with wide eyes, half a biscuit poking out of his mouth. Sirius had frozen with his fork halfway to Remus’ mouth, about to feed him a bite of cherry pie. Bellatrix glared in their direction.

“I can’t stand watching this anymore, either! Are all you people mentally ill?” she shrieked, this last directed at her sister and the Lupins. “It’s disgusting, a disgrace - Sirius is supposed to be the heir to our family, he’s supposed to carry on the name - HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN HE’S SHAGGING ANOTHER BLOKE?!”

An even louder silence fell. A few forks clattered to the floor. All eyes were now on Sirius and Remus, who both looked very pale. Regulus smirked behind his biscuit. 

“Mum -” Remus couldn’t look his parents in the eye, afraid of what he might see. “Dad, I -” What were they going to say about this news? He cringed. 

“What’s the shame in that?” Gill demanded loudly, jumping to his brother’s defense. His hazel eyes flashed angrily as he stared at Bellatrix. He took off his rose-tinted specs. “Is there something wrong with being in love with someone?”

“It’s not just someone!” Bellatrix replied savagely. “It’s another boy!” How could she make them see how disgusting it was? Even better, how could she make them understand the dishonor this brought upon the family name? How could she make them see that allowing Sirius to play with boys was just as good as forfeiting the family name? A family that had once been so proud, so numerous, was suddenly depending on two boys to carry on the name - and one of them was gay?

“So what?” Mr. Lupin looked a tad peeved. “This is my son you’re talking about, Mrs. Lestrange. I don’t have a problem with him dating Sirius. I don’t even care if they are having -” he faltered a little- “having sex.”

“But -”

Rodolphus laid a hand on her shoulder, silencing her. For a moment everyone was quiet, and then conversation resumed. Bella pushed her husband’s hand off her shoulder, returning to her chair with a horrible frown on her face. Her uncle leaned over to murmur in her ear. 

“I don’t like this any more than you do, Bella,” he said softly. “But while we’re in the Lupins’ home, perhaps it would be best to be a little more.... discreet... about your opinions.”

“Fine,” she snapped. “When are we leaving?”

“As soon as dessert is over.”

But wine soon gave way to coffee, cutting off the Blacks’ escape route, and almost everyone seemed very comfortable. The Blacks were far from happy, but the others were having fun again. Sirius was sitting with Lily and James, Remus in his lap. 

“That was so rude,” Lily said, casting an anxious look at Bella’s Corner Of Solitude and pitching her voice low. “I mean, I never would have expected anyone to make that sort of an outburst on an occasion like this...”

“Now that you’ve met my family, you will,” Sirius groused. “See how lucky you are to have Jim’s family as potential in-laws? I got lucky in that area, but I think Remmie’s in some deep shite.”

“We’re both in deep shite once this party’s over,” Remus moaned into his cupped hands. “My parents are going to kill us. They’ll give us the whole ‘safe sex’ lecture, and we’ll never hear the end of it! They’ll never let me move in with you after this, Siri.”

“We’ll talk them into it,” Sirius said mildly. “Your dad didn’t seem to be all that fussed.”

“That’s what you think! I swear, Siri, this isn’t the end of all this -”

“Shh.” Sirius stuck a brownie in Remus’ mouth as Narcissa neared the table, intent on the platter of lemon squares. “Oi, ‘Cissa. Anyone tell you that many lemon squares will make you fat? They’ll go straight to your thighs, darling. And I don’t think your thighs can take much more.”

“Shut up,” Narcissa snapped. Though she was very thin, she was overly sensitive about her looks. “They’re for Lucius. And you have mascara on your face.”

“I think it looks cool,” James sniggered as Narcissa stomped back to Lucius, tilting his head and squinting at his best mate. “Like Alice Cooper, a little bit. Very... dramatic.”

“I don’t know whether that’s a compliment or an insult.” Sirius took a sip of coffee. 

“I fancy some more pie,” Remus said. “Grace did a lovely job on it.” He rose, brushing his shaggy bangs out of his eyes, and headed for the table. Sirius followed, leaving James to stuff himself further as Lily picked up Nymphadora (who had been crawling underfoot looking for crumbs to eat) and began to share a cookie with her. 

Mr. Lupin stood up, clinking his spoon softly on his coffee cup. Remus jumped, and cast an anxious look at his father. What was he doing? 

“Ahem.” When he had everyone’s attention, Mr. Lupin turned his smile on his son and his son’s boyfriend. “I’d like to propose a toast, if I may. Remus, Sirius - no matter what, I’d like you to know that you have my full support. Our full support,” he added, as Mrs. Lupin stood beside him. “I never imagined my youngest son would bring another lad home, but I’m happy he’s found someone like Sirius. Siriusly.”

The Lupins and the boys’ friends chuckled slightly at the bad pun; the Blacks remained quite unmoved.

“We’d like to welcome you to our family, Sirius,” Mr. Lupin said warmly, his eyes fixed on the young man. He raised his mug. “We want you to keep making our boy happy. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations,” the others said, raising their mugs and drinking to the two boys. Sirius put his arms around Remus and kissed him softly. There was a chorus of ‘awww’s’, punctuated only by the grinding of teeth. 

“I’d like to say a few words as well,” Sirius’ mother burst out. She glared daggers at her son and Remus. “I’d like to say this - I’m glad we burned you off the family tree! I’m glad we kicked you out of the house! You’re nothing but a filthy slut! A disgrace to our name! I thought we told you what this would do to our reputation! You know your job in this family is to pass the Black name to your sons! And still, you dare to stand in front of us, kissing a boy, a werewolf, no less, the lowest scum you could possibly meet! He’s a wretched werewolf with a family with no manners at ALL! And to think you’ve been doing unnatural things with him - you did it in our house, didn’t you! You took him to bed in my house! I never should have let you bring him to our house, I knew it -” Her rage was overpowering. It radiated from her like heat from a furnace. Everyone was staring at her with wide eyes. 

“I HATE YOU! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE! FILTHY TRAITOR! ABOMINATION! SHAME OF MY FLESH!” Mrs. Black was screaming at the top of her lungs, spittle flying from her lips. She looked quite mad. “YOU’RE A FREAK! NEVER COME NEAR ME AGAIN! NEVER COME NEAR ANY OF US AGAIN!!”

And with that, the Blacks turned sharply and stormed out of the house, leaving a stunned silence in their wake. 

“Well.” said Sirius finally. “I thought they’d never leave.”

\---

Much later, after the debris of the party had been cleared away and the rest of the guests had left, Sirius went outside to sit on the porch. He sighed, looking up at the stars that were beginning to show in the dark sky. It was a beautiful summer night, crickets chirping and fireflies drifting dreamily about the garden. Out here, the sounds of dishes clinking in the sink and the low murmur of the Lupins’ voices were muffled.

The back door creaked slightly, and footsteps sounded. It was Remus. He sunk down onto the step beside his lover, looking concerned. “Siri...”

“Forget it, Remmie. I’m fine.” Sirius didn’t feel fine at all. He loathed his family, but the things they had said had cut deeply. He heaved a great sigh. “I’m... I’m sorry.” he muttered. “The things they said, I mean. I didn’t want you to hear any of that.”

“I’m used to it.” Remus ran a hand through Sirius’ hair. “We’d better get used to jabs like that, anyway. Most of the wizarding world won’t be too happy when faced with a homosexual werewolf and his male lover.” It came out sounding more bitter than he had intended. “I’m more worried about you.”

Sirius sniffed slightly. “Don’t be. It’s kind of a good thing, you know. A nice, clean cut. I’m not tied to them anymore. I won’t have to listen to their insults or take their abuse anymore.”

But the cut was far from clean. He leaned into Remus’ embrace and began to cry softly, letting his tears fall on the shoulder of Remus’ sweatshirt. For a long time the two boys sat motionless on the porch, even after Sirius stopped crying and fell silent. Finally, he looked up and managed a small, wavery smile. “Thank you, Remmie.”

“You’re welcome.” Remus kissed his boyfriend softly on the lips. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Sirius got to his feet, wincing as his legs prickled with pins and needles. He extended a hand to help Remus up. “Think your parents would mind if I spent the night?”

“Not at all.” Remus kissed him again.

When they entered the house, everyone else had gone to bed, except for Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, who were talking quietly on the sofa. Remus paused. “Goodnight, Mum, Dad.”

“Goodnight, boys,” Mrs. Lupin smiled. Sirius followed Remus to his room, but changed his mind halfway there. 

“Go ahead, Remmie. I’ll catch you up.”

“Er - okay,” Remus said, looking bemused. Sirius turned and made his way back to the living room. 

“Er - Mr. and Mrs. Lupin?”

“What is it, Sirius?” Mr. Lupin asked.

“I just wanted to apologize,” Sirius said, standing in the doorway and nervously fiddling with his hair. “For my family. I didn’t think they’d behave like that. I really didn’t....”

“Oh, don’t be silly.” Mrs. Lupin got up and joined him at the door. She put a hand on his cheek and smiled up at him. “It isn’t your fault that your family acted the way they did.”

“I thought they’d at least try to be polite. I didn’t want them to come at all. I was afraid they’d be mean to you or Remus. But it was worse than I thought...”

“It’s all right, Sirius,” Mrs. Lupin said, and hugged him. It was he first time he had ever been hugged like this, as if by a mother, and he bit his lip hard to keep from crying. 

He smiled when she let him go. “Thanks,” he said to her, and to her husband. “I was touched about what you said... about me being a part of the family. I... I really appreciate it.”

If he wasn’t mistaken, that was a tear glimmering in Mrs. Lupin’s eye. But she smiled back and said, “You’re welcome, Sirius.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

He headed back upstairs and to Remus’ room. Remus was already in bed, wearing his pj’s and a look of curiosity. “What was all that about?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to apologize for Mum and Bellatrix,” Sirius said. He stripped off his jeans and t-shirt and climbed into bed clad only in his boxers. Remus reached over and clicked off the lamp. They snuggled close. 

“I love you, Remmie.”

“I love you, Siri.”

Both boys closed their eyes and were asleep in minutes. It really had been a tiring day.

-The End-


End file.
